If God doesn’t heal me supernaturally, it means He isn’t real or doesn’t care about me. Is this true?

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As someone who has suffered with chronic illness since 2011, this is a question and belief that has caused me much inner emotional turmoil since I got saved on December 13th, 2011.

When we’re struggling for a long time and God doesn’t bring healing right away, it can feel like rejection. Like God has abandoned us. Like He doesn’t care. He has the ability to fix us and all of our problems in a single moment, but sometimes (most of the time from what I’ve heard), that doesn’t happen. It would be so easy for Him to heal us.

For me, this has been difficult to get past and I have been angry (even bitter) at God because of it. At times, it has stopped me from doing several things including reading my Bible, having faith, going to church, believing in God altogether, and believing that He is good and that He loves me.

Admittedly, I have what is probably an unhealthy fear of traditional (western) doctors, pharmaceutical drugs, and surgery, so I think this may play some kind of role in wanting God to heal me supernaturally.  I remember my parents always expressing their lack of faith on doctors, so i’m sure this and my own bad experiences shaped my current view of medical interventional as well. Finally, I know that for a long time I’ve had a fear of losing control, which is what happens when someone is put under anastasia. It know these things may sound silly and irrational, but I’ve been known to be both from time to time (aka every day).

I want to make progress, so I must be totally honest with myself about all the things that may be affecting this belief. I believe this is critical in changing the way I think and feel.

 

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