Category Archives: Haiti Trips

Quickie Updates

Posted on by
1

These are my facebook status updates for the past few days – for those of you who aren’t on my fb it will give you a quick recap of how things are going. I am hoping to write and post photos in more detail later, but we’ll see how life looks after we are home. Thank you so much for all your support and prayers for us.

August 2
First night together is done. Giselle and I didn’t get a lot of sleep, but at least we were together. I love knowing how her night went (even if it wasn’t easy), what she has eaten…etc. Just makes it easier to know what her needs are.She is very sad most of the time. A mourning kind of crying that just breaks our hearts. Once in awhile we get some smiles and a little bit of babble… that is precious and gives us a little glimpse of what she is capable of.

If you are praying… please pray she will feel better. She has a bad cough, hasn’t eaten much at all and only had 2 tiny wet diapers in the last 24 hours. It is sad that she isn’t feeling well on top of all her transition, but OH!! I am so thankful to be able to mother her through an illness instead of being half a world away just hoping she will be ok. And having her extra cuddly isn’t hurting either.
Today will be our last visit to the orphanage. Giselle’s last goodbye to her friends and caretakers for the last 2 years of her life. Tomorrow we head to Jacmel. I feel badly taking her away from her home so soon, but also know that it will be good for us 3 to get away and be a family of 3 for a few days before the chaos of being home.
Thank you for your comments, prayers and love for us. We love sharing this journey with you!

Aug 3
Thank you so much for all your comments and prayers! Today went much better. We did a few quick visits to the orphanage, which was good. We weren’t there too long… but just going back helped her know that not everything in her life has disappeared.

So wonderful to see the Nannies hug her, hold her, kiss her goodbye. I can see they are happy for her, but sad to see her go. ♥ What a blessing!
Tonight one nannie finally managed to get Giselle to eat as she simply wouldn’t eat for me. What a difference that made in her attitude! She laughed, talked, cuddled, smiled and played all evening… it was magical. She even let me feed her some more food later in the evening.
She is sleeping soundly now… her cough is still there, but getting better… hoping for a good night’s rest as we both really need it!
Tomorrow, we say our final goodbye’s to the orphanage friends and nannies and leave for Jacmel. It will be bittersweet, but I feel better about going today than I did yesterday. It will be very hard for her, but I know she will be ok. Thankfully she wants me to hold her, cuddle her, feed her… it’s wonderful for bonding and attachment. Exactly what the Dr. ordered ;)

So…. I guess this is for real!

Posted on by
12

I am completely(happily) exhausted, so please excuse this post if it doesn’t make any sense or has many errors.

Our flight was long, some connections delayed by hours, and a night in an airport. I have had about 3 hours of sleep in 36 hours, but it was all SO worth it the moment we arrived at the orphanage.

Rachel ran into the building ahead of us to get Giselle. There is often a “greeting party” of children on the steps, but today there was no one. It was only us. Rachel walked out, holding Giselle by the hand and introduced us as Mommy and Daddy. Giselle didn’t hesitate and walked right into my arms, snuggled in and didn’t move from there. She gave Darren some cuddles too which was great! Darren was able to video tape the moment, but I won’t be able to load it until we are home :(

I had so many scenarios running through my head about how it would go – I must confess non of those scenarios went that beautifully! It was a moment I will treasure in my memory for the rest of my life. Yes, I cried. Yes, I kissed her over and over and hugged her as tight as I dared. It was amazing to finally hold my daughter in my arms, knowing I won’t suffer from a broken heart on the way home.

We spent about 6 hours at the orphanage. She had a good long sleep in my arms, we played with some toys and just sat and cuddled a lot. We spent some time playing with the other children, eating some delicious, fresh, melt-in-your-mouth croissants. She is definitely not “herself”, but she is “normal” for what she is like for me (if that makes any sense). They say she is bossy, and can be loud. With me she is quiet and a bit sad. It’s only a matter of time though, and we will see the real Giselle.

Tonight we opted to leave her at the orphanage for her last night there. In case she has a hard time sleeping at the guest house with us, we want to be rested and ready. Tonight we are too tired, and I think the stress of today was a lot for her as well. This is the way I have always wanted to do Giselle’s transition, so I am thankful it has worked out the way I had imagined.

All in all, today has gone better than I expected. We are happy, excited for tomorrow when we can have her here at the guest house with us. It is quiet here and we can spend more one-on-one time with just her. I know she will be very stressed – remember she rarely ever leaves the orphanage, and now she will be in this unfamiliar place with strangers. Please pray that her spirit can be at peace, pray that we will have wisdom on how to engage and show love to her.

SO, SO happy that our daughter is finally ours! So excited to get to know who she is. Thank you for all your kind comments on fb, here and in our email inbox. It really is so wonderful to be able to share in our joy with you. It is a sweeter journey with all this loving support behind us.

 

Experiencing the Beauty of Haiti

Posted on by
4

When you think of Haiti, does this come to mind?

Or this?

So much of what the world sees of Haiti via media, is the sad, hard and ugly. Probably because the sad is SO sad, the hard SO VERY hard… but there is much more beauty than most people ever see.

While visiting Giselle, this has been what we see…

view from a restaurant close by

There is lush greenery, crops growing, and so much beauty.

But I am getting distracted. The ocean view photos above? Those were taken by Maria. Maria is my cousin, and she is the one who linked us with Rivers of Hope Orphanage where Giselle lives. Maria and her husband Ken have 3 beautiful Haitian children, and have dedicated much of their lives to loving and serving Haiti – whether it be from Canada or actually while physically present in Haiti.

Maria and Giselle

Currently they are spending their summer in Haiti in a oceanside town called Jacmel. Their children have family and extended family in the area. They are building houses for some of them, fostering a baby who is HIV+  (named Amara!), and generally helping out where they can. And, they are going to the beach to spend quality time with their kids. The beach has a hotel. And that hotel has a reservation for the Naus Family for 3!!

So, this is our schedule. We will leave Canada on July 31, arrive in Haiti on August 1. We will spend 3 days at the orphanage and our guest house with Giselle. On the 4th day a driver will pick us up and drive us to the hotel in Jacmel. We will spend the next 3 days with Maria and her family, some quiet time on the beach, and whatever else God brings our way. On August 8 we will board the plane for Montreal, and land in our home city on August 9th.

For months Maria and I have wondered and talked about “wouldn’t it be amazing?!” if it somehow worked out that Giselle would be ready to come home while they were there. It’s actually happening! I am excited for the quiet time away, excited to see other parts of Haiti, and to connect with the amazing woman who brought us to Giselle.

All that will be amazing. But I am also so very excited to walk off that airplane when we land home and see our friends and family gathered at the airport for a celebration of Giselle’s long awaited arrival home.

The adventure begins in 3 days!

What?!

Posted on by
3

I’ve checked, and double checked… and unless I’m missing something, Giselle’s process actually had one step that went faster than expected. From what I know, Giselle’s file went to passport printing on Friday, and her passport was picked up today! I was expecting at least 3 full business days, so this was even quicker than I dreamed.

I don’t even know what to think right now. Honestly… I’m just in awe that we are finally done. 3 years, 3 months since we decided for sure that we would start the process to adopt again, and finally my new daughter will be in my arms.

Are we excited? Yes, but… it’s been so many years of disappointments that it is hard to let go of the guarding of the heart. But I can say that I almost feel like I can take a deep breath for the first time in years. I don’t think I will fully breath until she is in my arms, but a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

I feel my mind switching from thinking of all these things I would still like to get done, to preparing for the trip, and her arrival home.

Her crib set up next to my side of the bed. I’ve never been good at sleeping with babies or kids, but I might have to just get used to it. I’m hoping this will be a good compromise though.

I’m going through toys to make sure their are doubles of Amara’s favourites (because of course those will be Giselle’s favourites as well more than likely). Diapers, wipes, toddler snacks, freezing Haitian rice and beans, etc… so fun

Just in case I was relaxing too much, my friend S decided it might be a good idea for us to do a Busy Bag swap, so I have some shopping, cutting and sorting to do for that.  I think it will pay off huge later in giving Amara something to do when I just need to have some time with Giselle.

And I need to sleep. It seems elusive right now, but it could be my last few days to have a good night’s sleep for who knows how long.

Wow, people. It’s actually happening!

The Beginning of the End

Posted on by
4
The email from Rachel on Friday…
Denise
The dossier is now at Immigration. I will have the passport next week. and then go to the embassy.
Praise the Lord
Rachel

That email is the beginning of the very end, my friends! The end of laying awake at night wondering when the next step will be finished. Or when the next step will begin. I will be praying that passport through (because I know we aren’t done until we are on that plane for Canada!). And then begins the next chapter in our lives.

I have purchased tickets for us to fly to Haiti. Our family day (otherwise known as “gotcha day”, but I’m not fond of that term) will be August 1st! Everything seems to be falling into place beautifully, and while I wish in some ways that we were climbing on that plane tomorrow, I am also thankful for the time to finish preparing, catch up with friends whom I won’t see for awhile, and pack. I’m thankful that it isn’t a mad rush to get ready and super stressful that way. I thought it would drive me crazy to have to wait the 2.5 weeks to fly out, but I really feel so much peace.Just having a date. Just knowing that the end of the wait is in sight.

Looking for us to come get her ;)

"Mommy, are you almost here?" (pushing her face against a window)

It was fun to tell Amara her sister is REALLY coming home! She jumped up and down and squealed with delight. We got to tell Kylar the news when we picked him up from his week at Bible Camp. He was so relieved, and excited to know we are done with the waiting and wondering.

Meanwhile, Amara has been pushing limits like never before. Kylar is feeling very out of sorts and wondering if this means we will never have time for him again… they are both so happy, but feel the change coming. I am trying to soak in every day of life as we know it, and balance that with my to-do list that grows every day we get closer to leaving.

God is putting some huge blessings in place for this trip. I really can’t get over how so many details are coming together that I couldn’t even have imagined. I will share soon. God is proving again, how He is the Redeemer of our lives.

Welcome to My Brain

Posted on by
11

There is no way I am going to get everything ready in time!

Time? There’s lots of time – and things will probably be delayed and I’ll have panicked for nothing.

What if things aren’t delayed, but early?! AHHHH!!!

I just need my kids gone for 3 days so I can go hard and organize.

There is no way my kid will be gone for 3 days so I just have to figure this out.

I can be terrible to live with while I’m focused and on-task. I don’t want the last few weeks with my kids to be with me being distracted and grumpy. I want to invest in quality time with them as much as possible.

How can I invest in them when I can’t even sleep because there is too much going on in my head?

Oh my goodness!! Our lives are about to change forever. What have we done?!!

Will this ruin our family? Will things ever feel normal again?

I can’t wait to see Amara and Giselle playing together!

What if their personalities clash and they will always hate each other, and resent us for putting them in the same family?

I can’t wait until her crib is set up next to my bed and I can touch her at night. And know she is FINALLY here!!

Will I ever sleep again? I really like sleep. My kids sleep so great now – what if Giselle is a 5:30 am waker? I will go crazy!!

I hate freezer meals.

I can’t wait to have all those feezer meals at my disposal!

It’s all worth it. In the end, I have to trust that God led us to this, and it will be fine.

Is God even real? (just kidding)

(Off to bed to silence  the insanity in my head for a few hours…)

 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares what happens to you.”
I Peter 5:7 

Post-Trip Reflections

Posted on by
4

I have had such mixed feelings since returning from Haiti, that I’m not even sure I can really put it into words… which is why I haven’t really tried until now, so excuse this if it is a jumbled mess of thoughts.

This was my third trip to visit Giselle this year. I have come to know what to expect on my return home. Deep grieving, sadness, feeling out of sorts… GUILTY that my daughter is living in an orphanage… worried, depressed… all in all I’m not a lot of fun to be around for about 3 weeks after my return. It’s usually then that I start to feel more “normal” (which brings it’s own level of guilt).

This whole trip felt different, and I still can’t quite put my finger on it. As always, I went with the full intention of giving my all to Giselle – to love on her without reserve. And I think I did. The mushy in-love feelings changed a bit at some point though to more “mommy love” feelings. You know, that love that is so crazy strong mixed with a “oh no you don’t!” when she tried to throw my iphone in my face.

I haven’t really cried since coming home. I haven’t grieved anywhere close to what I normally do. I miss her – a lot! But I think there were a few things that made this trip easier to return from.
1) the last two trips I left her behind not having a clue if/when her adoption would move forward. There was this huge, black, empty space before us. This time I was there, TO move her adoption forward! There is hope that she will be home within the next 6 months or so.
2) Having to change our trip plans was very stressful for me. I tend to be quite independent, but at that point, I needed Darren. I didn’t want to be the strong adult – I wanted him to help me shoulder that burden and the decisions that needed to be made. Texting on Yahoo didn’t really cut it, although he did help me so much by making phone calls and helping me decide which tickets to buy. 11 days of being away from Darren and Amara was just too much.
3) Knowing that Giselle was being loved on, and that I could get updates from the Canadians helping there was also a huge help. It didn’t feel like I was just abandoning her to a life in that swing. And even there they have been a huge help – to know that Giselle is generally a happy kid, that she LOVES her swing! Helps me feel more at peace about her care there.

Now my focus isn’t so much on her adoption process as it is on how to prepare for her arrival. Granted, I know there is no guarantee about her arrival date. We could be in this place next Christmas – still waiting for her to come home, but it does seem more real that she could be coming home soon. I have walls to paint, closets to organize, a dresser to buy, rooms to re-organize, freezer meals to prepare… I fully expect that our lives will be in chaos when she first arrives home. I want to de-clutter, minimize, and generally make my external life more manageable and peaceful, so that I can focus Giselle and the needs of our family.

I also have some personal aspects to work on and pray through. Giselle is like an empty love tank ready to be filled – and it will take time. The attachment program that we will be implementing consists of (in part) carrying Giselle in a carrier for much of her first 6 weeks at home. Now, Dr. Purvis talks about our own “triggers” – things that tend to set us off, or make us short tempered. Mine is not having any personal space or personal time. Sound like a recipe for disaster? It is! Which is exactly what God loves to take and make into something beautiful.

God, you have about 6 months to do a make-over here…

Day 4 and 5 in Photos

Posted on by
Reply

First of all, I have to say a huge CONGRATULATIONS as Sylvie and her family left today for Haiti, and will be coming home with their beautiful little girl in their arms! They are the first Canadian family to have completed the process from GLA, and their success story gives much needed hope for those of us still waiting.

 I brought an album for Giselle with pictures of our previous trips to Haiti. I’m not sure if she recognized herself in the photos (she doesn’t see herself in a mirror very often), but I tried to make a big deal of pointing out that “mamma” was with Giselle in this picture, and “pappa” was with Giselle in that picture… There were also family photos of us at the end – pictures of Kylar with Amara, and Darren and I with Amara. I don’t know how much of it clicked with her, she seemed more fascinated by turning the pages than spending a lot of time looking at the photos.

 I think it was THE favorite “toy” that I brought for her though. She spent a lot of time flipping through that book. Occasionally she would see a photo of Kylar and Amara, and she would turn to look at Kylar, so I think she was starting to put two and two together. I am going to have an album ready for her when she comes come – with all the favorite photos of our trips to Haiti. Hopefully she will be able to understand that we do have some history together.

 This is Rachel – the amazing women who runs Rivers of Hope. When I showed Amara this photo, she said “Nana!” and strangely enough, Rachel does look a lot like my mom. I wonder if Giselle will see the resemblance as well and how she will react to that?

 After the disappointment of waiting at the Judge’s office for 3.5 hours (the first time) we went to the Baptist Mission for lunch where this photo was taken. Silly me – this is the only photograph of all 3 of us together :(

 Twice the nannies let me bath Giselle in the evening. I loved it – even though they stared at me like I was crazy the first time because I didn’t know their system of how they do things. I was told that Giselle cries when the nannies bath her – but she was great for me! They also say she cries when the nannies do her hair, but she doesn’t make a peep when I do it :)

 I love doing these normal “mom” things for Giselle. Bathing, changing diapers, changing clothing… making sure her hair is presentable. It makes it all so much more real that she really is my daughter. I can’t wait until I am able to do these things for her all the time.

Although… I might change my mind about the diaper changing very quickly!

She loves her belly. When I change her diaper, she likes to pull up her shirt and show me her belly so I will kiss it and blow rasberries… but gets very annoyed with me if I take too long. I’m sure she is used to the nannies whipping her on and off that change table quickly as they have so many babies to look after.

First Day or Two of Haiti In Photos

Posted on by
8
I’m not sure what it is about Haiti – but I always manage to look my worst there. Poor Giselle must think her new mama is quite the sight! Thankfully today Amara said to me “You are a good Mama.” I said “Thank – you! Why am I a good Mama?” She said “Because you’re pretty.”
Huh. Not sure what that means.  
But I digress… here are more pictures of our trip to Haiti. 

Here I am hugging my new little troll person :) I had to laugh whenever the nannies put her hair all up in one single pony tail as it just looks funny on her. At one point we took out the pony tail (to re-style) and it looked EXACTLY like the little troll people hair! We laughed so hard, and Kylar tried to take a picture, but she was insulted and started crying, so no picture for us…

Off to the Doctor.
Rachel wanted to be sure all the children were healthy after the poor little boy who passed away was discovered to have TB and meningitis. So we took about 4 kids, loaded them up in the truck and went to get chest X-rays and blood tests done. I didn’t want Giselle to associate me with anything painful, so I made Rachel take her in for the blood test. For the X-ray, she had fallen asleep on the way down the mountain, was still asleep in the clinic office. Still asleep when I took her top off and laid her on the X-ray table! When I came to get her she was awake, but didn’t seem upset at waking up in a lab.
Love how she falls asleep in the car. Hopefully she still does that in a car seat.

Ketsia is one of the wonderful girls from BC helping with the children. She herself was adopted from Haiti at age 3. She patiently put up with all my questions about being adopted into a white family. Ashley is the other lovely lady helping out – she is in the photo about this one. I was telling them that at least one of them needs to come be my nanny when Giselle comes home. They were the only ones she would go to willingly if I needed my hands free for a bit (like using the washroom maybe?). When they were a HUGE blessing was when I needed to leave her at the orphanage. If I passed her on to Ketsia, she would happily go into her swing, whereas if I put her in the swing then left, she would scream and scream. 

The flowers just fall off the trees around the orphanage. The little girls love to have them in their hair, and to play with.

Posing for a moment with the little rabbit/blanket thing I brought for her. I was hoping she would be able to have it in her bed at night so she could bring home something familiar. Not sure that it will work as the children just tend to take it from her, but it’s worth a try :)

Sleeping after a stressful day out with mom. I really felt badly for her the first day or two. Here this strange person picks her up, and takes her to all these strange places… she was very upset the first while. Everyone at the guest house was saying how she seemed so quiet. She was STRESSED out! She rarely leaves the orphanage, so all this excitement was upsetting, which was to be expected. And yet people just seemed to think that because she was with me, she should be fine.

Kylar in Haiti

Posted on by
7

You know how sometimes your kids just blow you out of the water with how amazing they are? That was Kylar on this trip. I couldn’t have been more proud of my son.

On the day we left Canada, he was a bit nervous about the flight, complained about the wait times and the hotel room… so we had a chat. I said “You need to think of this as a missions trip. We are not going to be comfortable, or to be waited on. We are going to serve. Sometimes it will be amazing, and sometimes it will be really hard. Some things you will love, and some things you will really find difficult. Some times will be exciting, some times will be boring. That is not the point because on this trip, we are not the point. God is. Showing love is. OK?” He said “OK”, and that was really the last of any issues he had.

After the first night or two of him getting up at ungodly hours of the morning, we figured out that if he slept with a sleep mask and earplugs in, he slept much better. The dogs barking and howling, the roosters crowing all night are a stark contrast to our quiet house with a fan on in his room.

Kylar went from being nervous on the plane, thinking people riding in the back of trucks were crazy – to always asking if he could ride in the bed. Rachel put a nice cushion in the back for the silly North Americans who like to ride in the back but really shouldn’t… so he would be safe and comfortable. Well, as safe as you can be riding back there on their crazy roads with their crazy drivers. A little mommy part of me wanted to say’ no’, but really… you only live once right?

Kylar loved feeding little Patrick. He seemed to eat the best for Kylar. Patrick came to the O about a month ago very malnourished. He is the sweetest little boy who is starting to get some meat on his bones.

After a full tummy, he just layed back and fell asleep in Kylar’s arms. He loved it!
Another mouth to feed. I love how he is opening his mouth to show little Alex how big to open his :) Alex happily ate for Kylar as well.

I think Kylar’s biggest struggle was trying to win Giselle’s affection. I think she saw him as competition instead of another pair of loving arms. She would sometimes cry when he came close or try to hit him. It really hurt his feelings although he was trying so hard to be mature about it. We finally decided that he should come and give me hugs and a kiss instead of trying to give them to her. We were hoping that she would see that he was safe and that I loved him as well. Eventually she started accepting him coming to me. And instead of her hitting at his face, we made it into a game where she would give him ‘high 5′ and he would make funny noises and tickle her. She really liked that. On the picture above, he is trying to be close, but not make eye contact and freak her out. He sat there for quite some time, then just couldn’t resist….

and gave her a quick kiss. To which she responded with…
this.
Still trying…
And finally! The next day, she reached for him and gave him a cuddle!!

He was so excited! It was probably the only time she reached for him, but it was a start. 
Later, on the day we were leaving, she was running around with him and some other children having a blast together. While it wasn’t what he was hoping for in terms of connecting with Giselle, I think it has given him hope that she will come to love and trust him.
It has also shown him how her first little while at home will probably not be easy. But hopefully these pictures and memories will help him through those first few weeks or months as she is adjusting. Hopefully it will remind him of how much fun she can be when she is relaxed and comfortable… and give him hope and patience to see her heal.
Kylar had a few kids his age around the guest house the first week we were there, which was great. When they weren’t available, he also played the piano at the guest house, played board games with me and some other boarders there. I loved how he could hold a conversation with the grandmother at the house, down to holding and loving on the babies at the O.
Rachel emailed me today and said “Give a big Kiss to my boy Kylar for me. The orphanage is so empty without him.” That touched me so much. Haitians are very big on manners and politeness so when he would try to eat all the food that was put before him (and liked most of it), and said ‘thank  you’ for the meal… that impressed them so much. Honestly, we aren’t that formal at home, so I appreciated his efforts. I thanked him for making me look good J
Kylar also wanted me to share an incident that has made us laugh over and over the past few days. As we were leaving Haiti, and going through the 3rd security check – the guards do a pat down because there isn’t a body scanner. I didn’t realize it, but Kylar’s pants were very loose on him, so when the security guard patted down his leg, he accidentally pulled down Kylar’s pants! Kylar burst into giggles as he was standing in his underwear, but the poor security guard was very shocked and flustered. He rushed Kylar through the line with many apolagies. Thankfully it was quiet there, so I don’t think anyone noticed. Kylar just thought it was hilarious, and I was killing myself laughing… the guard just didn’t know what to think!
I made him wear different pants the next day just in case.
Hopefully the memories of our trip together will seal a bond that will last a lifetime.