Monthly Archives: March 2011

Gecko Trouble

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Kylar has been researching geckos for the past 2 months. He has decided on a leopard gecko because they (supposedly) enjoy being held and are very friendly. For 2.5 months he has been saving all his allowance and some extra chore money so that he can purchase a gecko.

Recenlty Darren found a leopard gecko with a cage and all the required paraphernalia on kiji*ji for 100.00. Kylar only has 50.00, but because it was such a good deal Darren said we would purchase it now and figure out how he can work off the rest to pay us back (is that teaching bad money management? Hmmm, maybe).
The appointment was set to go meet “Dexter” at 5:30pm. Kylar had a friend over who is almost as excited for Kylar to get this gecko as Kylar is about getting it. Dinner took a little bit longer than expected, and they didn’t show up at the house until close to 6:00… Just as another little boy and his family were walking out the door, having just bought Dexter.
Kylar was just devastated! His friend kept saying “It’s my fault for not eating faster” and Kylar assured her it wasn’t her fault. Darren said he was so proud of how Kylar held it together until his friend was dropped off at her house. Then he cried… and then shed a few more tears throughout the next day.
It’s amazing how we don’t have to be very old to ask the age old question of “Why?” to God. Why would God allow that to happen?
As I hear and read more and more adoption stories, I see this same pattern of how it seems as if God is taking away (or keeping us from) something we really desire – and it’s a good desire! It’s not as if we are asking for more more money, or more possessions. We want to care for another human life, to give (and hopefully receive) love. So why does this need to be so difficult?
I don’t have the answers, but one thing our own adoption “failures” and triumphs have taught me is that we just don’t see the half of it. It’s as if we are little two year olds who want something, and God sees the bigger picture. Just as a parent sees the consequences of their young child’s actions and we take away or hinder their progress because of it, God sees the future and works in what seems to us in strange ways as well.
To help ease the pain of his loss, Darren bought Kylar a tub of Breyers Brownie Mud Pie ice cream. Amara happened to be in the tub when they came home, so Darren brought her some while I was talking to Kylar about “why God”. Later, Darren came back into the room to get some ice cream for himself, and Amara yelled from the bathroom “Daddy! What are you doing?” (Don’t we all ask that question of our Heavenly Father on occasion?). He said “I’m getting some ice-cream!” She yelled back “Oh! That makes sense.” We all cracked up laughing – wondering if she really even knew what she was saying, or just repeating what she has obviously heard before.
Someday we to will hear an explanation from our Heavenly Father as to what He was doing… and I know without a doubt that we will have a light fall over our faces as we say “Oh! Now that makes sense.”

Girl With The Bright Pink Hat

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She picked out this hat all on her own… she’s got some style!

I rarely even look at hats for her because they either (a) don’t fit over all her hair, or (b) they are made of material that just sucks the moisture from her hair. This one is just perfect.

And it has come in very handy on days when I need to do a quick trip out to run errands, but her hair is a mess.

Sometimes we all have to wear hats to encourage her to keep it on.

Can you just see the mutual admiration in this picture? You’d never know that these two can fight in a way that drives me nuts like nails on a chalkboard… but then they turn around and are so incredibly cute together!

Scared… and Priceless

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A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man’s mind can get both provocation and privacy.
~Edward P. Morgan

I grabbed both these books on a whim while at the library recently.

I started reading Priceless first as I couldn’t figure out which one was to be read first. I figured out half way through the book that Scared is actually the first in the series. But it didn’t really make a difference to the storyline.

I found it difficult to start Priceless as I knew the content was deep – and to be honest, I’ve often found that Christian fiction written about difficult topics such as these books tackle are sometimes clumsily written and you come away feeling frustrated and guilty but left without resources to channel that helplessness.
These books are none of those things. It was so well written, fast paced, gripping, and best of all – the end leaves you with resources of where to go for more information on these topics and ways you can help.
I would highly recommend both these books… and his new book in the series which is to be set in Haiti as his main character (a photojournalist) is caught in the 2010 earthquake. Release date has not been announced (to my knowledge).
Scared is written in Swaziland, and tackles the issues of AIDS/HIV and orphans in a small village. I LOVE how the author points out a glaringly obvious fact – yet one so many of us in the Western world overlook… women do not have the same rights we do in many parts of the world. AIDS/HIV is not a disease born of choices to those who have no choices.
Priceless takes place in post-communist Russia where the photojournalist gets caught up in rescuing girls from the sex trade industry. Often these are children who have been phased out of orphanages because of their age – with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Also, some children have been sold by family members, or simply taken from their families.
Both stories are riveting – I would find myself crying sad tears, happy tears and tears of rage. And yet they were so enjoyable! Well worth every minute spent reading them.

Bob the Bus Driver

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Amara has been hooked on a show called “The Doodles”. She picked their DVD out from the library about a month ago, and has watched it over and over.

Until recently.
There is always a scene in the show where they sing a song that goes “C’mon, let’s get on the bus! C’mon, let’s go!” and Amara has started saying with some anxiety “No, bus. No go with Bob.” And I would assure her that she did not have to get on the bus with Bob. But it is almost as if, because the song is telling her to get on the bus, she feels she must?!
Then it started at night, before I put her in her bed she would say “No go with Bob.” and I would have to reassure her that she indeed did not need to go with Bob. That she could stay with mom.
I think she has actually been having bad dreams about Bob! Poor guy, he really is a friendly man on the show. But one night she woke up, and when I told her to go back to bed she sobbed “No go with Bob!”. So then I knew it was serious.
Next day we started a conversation about Bob. I said,
“Bob is stuck in the TV. You can’t go with Bob.”
“Oh no, Bob stuck? Bob owies?”
“No, Bob is happy in the TV. But you can’t go on the bus because he is stuck in the TV.” (I don’t know how else to explain it to a 2 year old!)
“Bob happy in TV?”
“Yes.” (repeat same sentences at least 3 times per conversation)
And then she would drop it for a few hours… but honestly we have had this conversation about Bob at least 3 or 4 times per day. That, coupled with endless days of snow recently have really brought me to the edge of my sanity!
Thinking we were finally at peace about Bob and the bus, she has thrown a new one at me.
“No cuddles with Bob!”
No sweetie, you absolutely may not have cuddles with a strange man! I sincerely agree with you there.

More Adoption Stress

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Someday I will write down all the details of what we have had to go through just to get the referral of Giselle passed through our government. It has been an incredibly stressful time, and I might just be far away enough from all the drama now to be able to blog about it.


But just in case I thought we were actually done with all that, I received our Letter of No Objection in the mail yesterday. That part is good news. It means that our provincial government is not going to object to the adoption and that immigration can go ahead and process her paper work when we finally get to that step.

The cover letter addressed to us was not such good news. It reads:

The Canadian Dept. of Foreign Affairs advises all Canadian not to travel to Haiti until all legal formalities in Canada and Haiti have been completed and the visa has been issued for the child.

Alberta families who have received a matching proposal of a Haitian child must not travel to Haiti until:
-the child’s Adoption Order has been signed;
-travel documents for the child have been issued by Haitian and Canadian authorities;
-confirmation that the child has been cleared to come to Canada.
Alberta families must understand that travelling to Haiti prior to complying with the above will not expedite the process. If anything, it may delay their own and other families’ documents. It may also place the adoption program in jeopardy.
Of course this makes no sense at all as we have to fly to Haiti at least once during the process to attend court. I knew she couldn’t keep us from going to court, but she certainly can keep us from being able to visit Giselle during the process! That was just killing me because whether we will be able to visit her throughout the process or not – dreaming and scheming about going is what keeps me sane through the wait.
I emailed the office today and received this reply :

“Denise, the issue is that adoptive families should not travel to Haiti with the intention of expediting visa requirements – through the Canadian Embassy – for the children to come to Canada . We have had significant problems with this in the past.”


When I emailed her back and said that I just wanted to clarify that we would not be in trouble with her office if we went down to Haiti to visit and/or court and said we had no intentions of trying to expedite anything… she emailed back and said “Thanks for your understanding.”

Could that be any more vague? I didn’t think so.

My co-ordinator seems to think it is fine – we can go ahead and visit Giselle. Thank goodness!

We were all set to plan a trip in May – just Darren and I. But with the IBESR timelines being so quick as of late, it is difficult to know when to plan a trip. We could plan one for May, then need to fly to court in June or July. Not that I have any issues with going that often, but it does get expensive. On the other hand, if our paper work is taking a longer time, then we have missed going in low season.

Decisions, decisions…

Hair Day

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A little girl at our adoption playgroup has had her hair styled like this a few times, and I just love it! I haven’t been good enough at cornrowing to even dare try it until now.

(Yes she’s almost three and still takes a soother. I’m pretty sure that soother is going to college with her! Along with her special blanket…)


I am still very slow at cornrowing, so this style took me a total of 3 hours from start to finish. As you can see, it still looks a little bit fuzzy along the tops of the rows – and this picture was taken only a few hours after finishing the style. I’m not sure if I need more practice, or if it is just the way her hair is and I need to not worry about it.
The puff ball in the back is how I have left it. The braids in the first few photos were only to help me center the puff properly. I like this picture (above) as it is taken without a flash, and is a more accurate photo of what her hair really looks. With a flash, it looks too shiny and bright.
But getting her to stay still enough to take a picture without a flash is a rare treat. This 2 year old rarely stays still!
About a week later, I was taking out some of the rows and redoing them (you can see one row loose on the far side of her head), while talking on the phone to a friend. I briefly turned around to do something, and turned back to THIS!
She had grabbed big scoops of the shea butter mix I use for her hair and smeared it into her hair. At first glance I thought it was oatmeal and felt a brief moment of sheer panic as I had just redone those rows, so when I realized it was shea butter I couldn’t be too upset. Let me tell you – those braids are very well moisturized right now!
I love this style on her and it is definitely one I will do more often.

Hopes Are So Difficult To Manage

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I’m really trying not to get my hopes up too much… but ALL the news I am hearing about the adoption process in Haiti is GOOD news!

Whereas a file might normally be in IBESR for at least 3-6 months, most people are reporting 1-3 months. I recently heard of someone passing in 3 months – and they needed a presidential dispensation (usually takes at least 6 months – some people have been stuck on that step for over a year in the past).
But… elections are happening this Sunday (20th). That could change everything – for the better, or much worse. I know everyone’s thoughts, and all the news is about Japan and the devastation there – as well it should be. But if you find Haiti in your thoughts at all in the next few days, please pray for this election. That it will truly be a democratic election, and that the person voted into power will be someone who truly cares about the people of Haiti.
I have heard that one of the top priorities when the new president is voted in (at the end of March) is voting on new adoption laws. This could be good – or it could be terrible. Organizations like UNI*CEF have tried so hard to make adoptions in Haiti more difficult – they would prefer to shut them down all together. And they have a lot of power. We need to also pray for those who are fighting for adoptions, that their words would be heard. Currently, Haiti operates under adoption laws that were implemented in 1974, and they desperately need to be updated.
So, we will keep our hopes in check, but keep praying our guts out that we get Giselle home sooner rather than later.

Haitian Adoption Process FAQ #3

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Question #3 What is the process that you have to go through?

This can be a little bit difficult to define as there are no hard and fast rules on timelines in any third world country.
This is the process we have been told to expect:
1. Dossier (all our paperwork) arrives in Haiti, Lawyer confirms all paperwork is in order and in place. (Timeline: 4-5 weeks) Completed – ours arrived Oct, 2010

2. Dossier is legalized at the Minister of Foreign Affairs. (Timeline: 2-4 weeks) Completed

3. Wait for a referral. Completed – Yay!!
4. Giselle’s paper work is put together with our documents and submitted to IBESR.
“IBESR” stands for “Institut du Bien-Etre Social et Recherches”. Institute of Social Well-Being and Research to those of us who failed high school French ;) My understanding is that IBESR is our equivalent of a Social Services Dept. (Timeline: 3-5 months) Our documents have been at IBESR for about 1 week. This step can be like “the black hole” of Haitian adoptions – but my co-ordinator said she just had a family pass in 3 months, and I’ve heard other families recently passing in as little as one month!

5. Once IBESR gives their approval, our dossier is submitted to Parquet (court). This is when we will need to fly to Haiti to appear before a judge to sign for consent of the adoption. (Timeline: 1-5 months)
6. Dossier enters the court system, more legalizations of documents, application for a new birth certificate to take place… (Timeline: 2-4 months)
7. Application for passport (Timeline: 1-5 months) Once Giselle’s passport is received, we begin to make plans to fly to Haiti to pick her up!
8.Visa Application (Timeline: 2-7 days)
9. We begin the process of adjusting as a family (Timeline: only God knows…)

Haitian Adoption Process FAQ #2

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Question #2 Why does it take so long?

Haiti is different from most other countries that process international adoptions in that they match a child and family – then process most of the paper work. Most other countries allow much of the paper work to be prepared before the child is matched with a family. This is a blessing… and… a difficulty. It is a blessing not to have to wait months or even years to see the face of your child. But, once having seen the face of your child, one might perhaps go just *a little bit* crazy while waiting for the process to bring them home to be complete. Personally, I’m so glad to be able to see her face – especially since our orphanage allows – and even encourages, visits from the adoptive family.

Haitian Adoption Process FAQ #1

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Question #1 How long until Giselle comes home?
The best estimate is about 12-18 months. Before the earthquake, 1 year was the best case scenario. But I am hearing reports of time lines being decreased – perhaps because there isn’t such a backlog of adoptive files in the government offices. This is partly due to the many children that were flown out to their adoptive families after earthquake, and also many countries/provinces are closed to Haitian adoptions until further notice.